Grocery Shopping
by Sari
Summary: Heero and Duo go shopping. Chaos ensues. 1+2+1 3+4(hints)


Author: Sari  
Rating: PG  
Category: Humor, shounen ai  
Pairings: 1+2+1, 3+4(hints)  
Archive: Source of power, know my blight! Release the Light! ARCHIVE ME!!!!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, Rocko's Modern Life, or any Prozac(Thank God!). I do however, own Choco Monkey Puffs and the comic that started this.  
Feedback: Wanted as much as Duo wants food. And Heero. ; )  
Notes: This was modled after a comic I started starring me and my imou-chan. Never finished it, but I think I want it to end this way.  
  
  
Grocery Shopping  
  
"BREA~KFAST~!!!!" The thundering roar resounded through the building waking everyone violently from their nice dreams about peace and quiet. Oh, let's not forget quiet. Duo Maxwell, Shinigami, Heero's koi, and all around damned fine gundam pilot woke up to a rumbling tummy that morning and intended to do something about it immeadiatley.  
  
He charged down the steps to the bottom floor and began to navigate the obstacle course that was leading to the kitchen. Any regular person would have crashed into a wall by then, but this was Duo. Finally reaching the kicthen, he bounded up to the pantry and flung it open. He yanked down a box of his favorite sugary cereal, 'Choco Monkey Puffs'(TM), only to find it empty. He stared blankly down into the box. Where had his Monkey Puffs gone? He thought for certain he still had more left the day before. This setback, however, only made him more determined to find breakfast. Okay, okay, hungrier.  
  
Like a torndao he ripped through the whole pantry trying to find at least one bit of egg. By the time he was finished he was famished. An early morining workout and nothing to eat for it? Sacralige!  
  
Having heard the earlier yell and the commotion from downstairs a dressed and mildly pissed Heero Yuy marched into the kicthen. "Hn. What the hell is wrong with you?", he asked flatly.  
  
"Well good morning to you too.", Duo replied sarcastically. "There's no food in the house, and I'm hungry!"  
  
He snorted. "Well, if someone hadn't kept me so busy yesterday I would have gone to the store already. Not that I didn't enjoy it."  
  
Duo crossed his arms and huffed. "Well I wasn't hungry yesterday! I'm hungry now!" Heero rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fine. Get dressed. We're going to the store." Duo still sat in the midst of his rampage not moving. Heero sighed. "They have free samples there." Before he could even finish the sentence, Duo had bolted up the stairs and come back down with his hair braided and looking quite polished.   
  
"Ready!", he chirpped.  
  
The japanese pilot rolled his eyes again and dragged the grinning baka out to the motorcycle.  
  
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"Okay, on the count of three run as fast as you can at the door." Heero nodded. "One. Two. Three!" The two boys charged at the automatic door only to slam fast first into it. They both fell back on the ground rubbing at their offended appendages.  
  
"Why do they make these things so damned hard to get through?", Heero growled.  
  
"Maybe they want us to starve.", Duo moaned still sprawled out on the ground.  
  
Just then, a lady walked out of the door they had been trying to get in for the last 20 minutes. Now was their chance. Once again they charged at the evil door and this time made it through. Not without running over old ladies of course.   
  
"Now to get some food!" Heero glarred at him. "Fine, fine. We'll go shopping before we eat.", Duo mumbled out. And, so they began their trek through the depths of hell!  
  
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"...'It's Too Hot To Eat' salad, '24 Hour Fruit Salad', '3-bean Salad', 'Acapulco Jicama Salad', 'Lexington Avenue Seafood Salad', 'Creamy Corn Salad', 'Saure Of Summer Salad'...."  
  
Duo and Heero had been stuck in front of a salad display for the last 15 minutes listening to a man go on and on about the different types of salads you could make. With each name they were drawn deeper, and deeper into the bowels of El Diablo!-err a stupor. How anyone could make salad this boring amazed them.  
  
"....'Lebanese Style Potato Salad',-"  
  
'Does that have anything to do with lesbians?'  
  
"-'Lemon Snow Jello Salad'-"  
  
'Sounds like hours of hentai fun.'  
  
"-'Latvian Herring Salad'-"  
  
'Aren't Latvian women harry?'  
  
"Kraft Anyway Pasta Salad-"  
  
'It's always Kraft, dammit!'  
  
As they were about to fall asleep while standing a heavenly voice flowed over the speakers like sand paper. "Clean *hack!* ....clean-up on isle twelve! Fred, get your salad shaped ass over there and do your job!"  
  
Though he had just been insulted, Fred turned his head up towards the speakers and started making googly eyes. "Ah. Tis the angel I have been searching for! Beatrice! My Beatrice!"  
  
Duo spun a finger around his head making the sign for 'crazy' and turned to the next isle.  
  
"So, what's next?", he asked casually.  
  
"Actually, we only have to get your cereal.", Heero replied just as off the cuff. "How much is a month's supply anyways?"  
  
"Just 20 boxes. No biggie."  
  
"Twenty boxes! Dammit Duo, how much of this stuff do you eat in a day!?!?"  
  
"Not as much as you think." Heero looked at him unconvinced. "See, I do eat quite a bit but the next day most of it has disapeared, so I only get about 24-30 bowls of cereal a month." Duo grinned sheepishly.  
  
"We have to find out whose doing this. For once someone's eating us out of house and home besides you."  
  
Duo nodded, agreeing, then his head shot up as he shouted, "Hey! I resent that!" Heero just chuckled and continued on his way.  
  
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Finally they had reached the checkout, exhausted and aggrivated. How could someone be beaten by an automatic door, used to mop the floor, almost bored to death, mauled by mothers on Prozac[1], and bitten by a lobster all in one shopping trip? Well the pain was over and in a few short minutes they could leave. Well they could, if the guy in front of them hadn't brought 30 different types of meat! And we can't forget that he buys evrything in two's like Noah.  
  
Duo yanked at his damp hair. Why was this happening to him? Did God want to punish him for killing people? It was his job, what was he to do? Why?! Heero looked no better as his shooting hand twitched uncontrolably. He wanted to waste something and waste it now. Why would someone buy that much meat anyway?  
  
After a while of silently asking unanswered questions, Heero had had it. He lept over the conveyer belt threw the sales clerk out of the way and began checking the man out with super speed. Poor, poor sales clerk. That was the fourth time this month he had been thrown threw one of the glass windows.  
  
As soon as Heero finished the man spoke up, "Um, are you sure you weighed this right? I thought it would cost more.", he said in an unmistakebly gay voice.  
  
Heero whipped out his gun and growled, "Take it or leave it."  
  
"Oh no. Look at the time!" With that the man sped away leaving Heero and Duo to their own devices.   
  
"Now I'll just check us out and we can go home."  
  
Duo sighed. "Finally! I thought for sure we were gonna die today." With that Heero had them checked out and they began the long trek home.  
  
Upon entering the house they smelt something wonderful coming from the dining room. Strange as it seemed, it smelt like food. But they had just gone shopping for the very much needed food that they didn't have earlier that morning. After more closely inspecting the situation they found the other three gundam pilots and the maguanacs putting the finishing touches on a grand dinner!  
  
Heero's mouth flopped uselessly as he tried to sort out what was going on. Duo spoke for him. "What the hell is all this?! Just this morning there was nothing in the house!" Duo quickly went from astonishment to anger.   
  
Quatre tilted his head to the side, confused. "You didn't know?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"Every time we need to go shopping we clear out the whole kicthen of what's left and make a grand dinner for whoever went to do the dirty deed." Quatre smiled. "Looks like this is for you two."  
  
With a sudden burst of energy both pilots rushed to the table and began tearing into whatever they could grab, hastily trying to replenish their long gone strength. The others just watched with growing sweatdrops as they ate. Grocery Day is a very dangerous day.[2]  
  
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Heero and Duo lay snuggled up with each other on the couch with full stomachs and a plan for revenge swirling about their head. All in all everything was peaceful once again. But there was still the mystery of the missing 'Choco Monkey Puffs'(TM).  
  
"Quatre, you really need to control your urges next time.", Trowa whispered softly.  
  
"I know koi, but who would have known I had a fetish for chocolate puffs?"  
  
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1. Prozac will be useful for centuries to come.  
2. *sings* Rocko's modern li~fe!  
  
  
Happy Fourth of July everybody!   
-Sari ;P 


End file.
